Dr Kathryn Mannix, palliative care consultant and author of ‘With The End in Mind’ talks about death and what death is like.

Tender Conversations by Kathryn Mannix

We all need to talk together about dying. At the moment people can become ill quickly. Before they do, we need to have a conversation about what is important to them...

Why is it important to talk about dying?
We all make choices throughout our lives and some of these are really important. This is another time when you will need to make some choices. The choices we make in death and dying give us a sense of control, however big or small.

Before having the conversation: it is ok to have some of the following thoughts and feelings…
I am worried I don’t know what you would want if you were really sick, how much treatment you want, or if you would want to go to hospital...
I don’t think we’ve talked about a funeral, where your will is, or where your passwords are…
I worry I can’t do this without you. I cannot face this...

Having the conversation:
This might not be an everyday conversation but it is a valuable one - so take a deep breath, and give it a go.

These are unusual times, and I have been thinking about how important you are to me.

I’ve asked myself, if you became less well during these times, would I know your wishes?

Can we have a conversation so I know what you want? We could write it down, so if I wasn’t with you, the doctors and/or nurses would know what you want.

What would you want to happen if your heart stops? Have you talked about it with nurses and doctors?

If you were seriously ill, and might die, what would you want to happen?